Before we review the five basic childhood roles in depth, there is another list that is important to mention, and that is Claudia Black’s Three Golden Rules for Adult Children of Alcoholics: 1. Don’t Talk. (If I don’t talk, I don’t get yelled at, ignored, hit, etc.) The child is also reminded to keep the…
At the heart of understanding the disease of addiction as a family illness is an understanding of the relationship between the addict and chief enabler. What is meant by the term chief enabler? The chief enabler is the person who is most responsible for cushioning the fall, rescuing the addict or bailing him or her…
In the mid-1980s, alcohol and drug addiction treatment centers were almost exclusively twelve step oriented, and psychiatry had little or nothing to do with twelve-step recovery. This was easily seen at conferences, such SECAD in the early 1990s. We had to be very careful with selection of speakers and topics so as not to offend…
For addicts or for people in general who struggle with the concept of spirituality, accepting that they are powerless over addiction or that they are in such great emotional pain that it is impossible to make good decisions, it is imperative that they look for a power source outside themselves to help guide them in…
You don’t have to know anything about twelve-step recovery to use this tool; it applies to everyone. When you are faced with a choice, take the hard choice, and ninety-nine out of one hundred times it will be both the sober choice and the healthy choice. When it comes to addiction, what comes naturally for…
Set aside a morning quiet time. This is probably the most crucial of the daily tools. It means getting up early enough each morning to sit down and consciously say to yourself, “This is my quiet time and a commitment to my recovery today.” Remember, if you take the action, the feelings will follow. Then—if…
Addicts, as well as many others, believe that being in control is how to achieve success and happiness in life. People who follow this rule use it as a survival skill, having usually learned it in childhood. As long as they make the rules, no one can back them into a corner with their feelings.…
First, let’s look at the addict who is in his or her active disease and in denial about his or her addictive thinking. At the heart of that thinking is the need for problems. As long as there is a problem, there is a reason or excuse to use. Also central to addictive thinking is…
Humility is a term not frequently heard early in the addiction recovery process. Seeing the reality of how we view ourselves from a self-esteem standpoint is often difficult. Humility—allowing ourselves to be just one among others—means not only letting go of an increased ego, but also learning to believe that you are just as deserving…
By: James L. Fenley, Jr., MD Addiction is a disease with many potential faces, including, but not limited to, alcohol and other drugs. Also, once someone is addicted to alcohol or other drugs—whether they are in recovery or not—their addiction can generalize to other areas, such as gambling, eating, or sex. When one form of…